J'ai un Travail!!!

I have a job!!! The air the last two days here in Upstate, SC has been cool, crisp, and is distinctly laced with the scent of Fall. Only the smell of rain rivals its refreshing properties. Just taking a breath renews your soul and makes you truly happy to be alive. Adding to my happiness was the succussful interview of the morning and the call shortly after that told me what I've been waiting over a year now to hear...you got the job! It's certainly not the job I was planning to get; it has nothing to do with my major. My Dad talked to some people at his work and it turns out that they have been desparately trying to fill a 3rd shift position for a long time and they are willing to train a new person the skills needed to perform the task. I'm a bit nervous about switching to 3rd shift, but I'm a natural night owl and can sleep just about anytime, so I think I'll adjust fine. My sister is having her gallbladder taken out tomorrow, well actually later today (Friday). They changed the time of her surgery to 7:30AM. She has to be there at 5:30AM, so we have to leave our house at 4:30AM, so I have to get up at 4:00AM, so I just decided to try and stay up all night, in order to get ready for the start of my job Sunday night at 11PM.

The new job will offer me a great deal of freedom! Most importantly I'll be able to fund the classes I plan to begin taking in January in order to obtain my Medical Technologist certification so that I can eventually get the kind of job I planned to get in the first place. I will earn valuable work experience and prove once and for all to my future interviewers that I am capable of holding down a full-time position. I will have financial freedom...for the first time, really ever, I will have a decent amount of money in my checking account. It is hard to even budget or plan things when you don't have a steady income to count on. And last, but not least, I will be able to move out of my parents house! We actually have been getting along extemely well, and niether of us are really in a hurry to part ways...but at this point in all our lives it's only natural for me to want to move out, and for them to want me to move out. Now, I will be able to do so, and that is a fun and exciting thing to think about.

As these things tend to go...the woman that hired me just happens to have a friend that works in a lab, so she's wants me to give her my resumé and she'll pass it along. It's a crazy world, who knows? Maybe something will come of that...it's all about who you know.

La Floride

Florida. We almost decided not to go because of Ernesto. We almost couldn't go because my sister is having problems with what the doctor thinks is her gallbladder. We are, however, going to Florida! We may be passing the storm as we drive down and it blows up, but we figure we can always stop at a Hotel along the way if it gets too bad. The doctor said J could go as long as she watches what she eats. So, we are leaving today (Wednesday). I'm not sure when we'll get there...or how much time I'll have to spend with friends. We plan to stay until Tuesday. I'll call around when I have a better idea of what time I'll have free...or feel free to call me and tell me what time you have available. We are going to the family reunion on Saturday at Manatee Springs...provided the storm doesn't cause any flooding or anything...and my friends are more than welcome to come and hang out there too if you want..it's a really cool natural spring and sure beats the heat of Gainesville, and there'll be plenty of free food! Anyway, let me know if you want to hang out, or whatever, and I'll call you in the next couple of days, Lord's Willing.


***It is now Thursday night...we are at my Grandma's house in Bell, Florida just outside of Gainesville. I thought I should write an update to let everyone know what my plans are. Unfortunately because of several factors we didn't leave SC as soon as planned, and ended up stopping in Valdosta because we were too tired...so we didn't arrive in FL until today. That is unfortunate because we are going to Chiefland tomorrow to see other family as they come in for the reunion. One of the days I had set aside possibly for a trip to Gainesville was today and that didn't work out. So...a long sad story short...I don't think I'll be able to come into Gainesville to hang out this trip. I am very sorry for that, but there really just isn't enough time for me to come in to town and spend any respectable length of time...so, as I said before, anyone wanting to escape Gainesville for the weekend is more than welcome to join me at my Grandma's on the Suwannee or at Manatee Springs, just give me a call and I'll give you directions...but I won't be able to go into town. I'm sorry again, and am very sad, but I've been thinking about it all day, and I'm afraid I just can't make it work. :-(

Fou...Loco...Vie

Crazy...Crazy...Life. Have you ever had one of those friends, or family members whose life just seems out of control. They are constantly changing their minds and plans. They change majors, change careers, date random people, and just don't seem to have a clue about what they are doing. Over the last couple weeks, I've come to the realization that I am that person. Well, sort of anyway. I have been through at least 50 phases and plans in the last week alone, and still am not completely sure of the current course I've chosen. I haven't let too many people in on each option, because I didn't want to freak anyone out prematurely...I good decision since, for the moment, my choice isn't too drastic. The past couple weeks, however, I've given a great deal of consideration to going in the military. I've also checked into attending Marshall University in West Virginia. I've emailed extended contacts; I've talked to an ex-boyfriend that I hadn't heard from in a long time, who is now in the Army, stationed in Georgia. I've emailed a recruiter. I emailed a department head at MU. I talked to my grandma about sleeping on her couch for a year.

Many things have spurred this renewed search for direction in my life... It's now been a year since graduation, I'm about to conclude my second Summer of peach vending. Saying that I recently graduated and am looking for my "career job" seems pathetic to me, since I've been looking so long. I'm starting to really fear that it's not going to happen now...I don't believe I'm qualified so how will anyone else? I therefore decided that I must take the bull by the horns and take some serious action to get some experience and make things happen. Many people have suggested that I move...it sounds like a good idea, and I'm not opposed to it, but it would not solve the problem. No experience in SC is the same as no experience anywhere else. I then had to develop ways to get experience...that are in my control. Two clear options developed...military or school. I know most of you are thinking that school is the clear choice, but I've always been interested in the military, and the big sign-on bonuses and loan pay-offs certainly help. But it does seem drastic...and though I have been losing weight and toning up, I'd have to do it much faster.

School, on the other hand, is less drastic, but still kinda complicated...or at least seemed to be. You see, what I want to eventually obtain is my Clinical Laboratory Scientist Certification, or Medical Technologist degree. Now it gets more convoluted...UF and many other big Universities don't offer the MT degree. On the other hand, niether do most small Colleges...so you have to find the schools that fall in between...such as Marshall...a small University. So, my path seemed a little clearer...go to MU, get my MT...get a job. So, I emailed the department head there and they made things more complicated and easier at the same time. She said she'd be glad to help me through the admissions process, etc...but that MU has a 2+2 MT program...meaning you get your 2 year MLT (Medical Lab Tech) degree and then come back and get the 4 year MT degree. She went on to say that many people that already have a B.S. degree go through the MLT program, and get jobs in labs working at upper-level MT jobs and then qualify for the MT certification. It seems that this career is one of the few in which there are several routes to obtain the same objective. By combining my B.S. in Microbiology, a year or so of intensive lab and clinical training, and some work experience, I can get exactly what I've wanted all along...a good paying job in a lab. So...what that means for me is that all I need to do is go through the MLT program at Greenville Technical College (with in-state tuition and only about 30 minutes from home). So, very long story short...I'm now corresponding with GTC advisors to see what I need to do to get in their MLT program. See, simple and confusing at the same time...

Continuing in my crazy life theme...I just completed the migraine study. It went really well. I gave a urine and blood sample, had an EKG done, and filled out some information sheets. I then got a migraine, and tried the new medicine. It worked very well...I can't wait till it's on the market. I went back to the lab, gave another urine sample, answered some more questions and got paid $70! If the drug is put on the market it is probably going to be called Trexima..so any ladies out there that suffer from migraines should look into it in the next few years, lol.

My vida loca continues in my love life. I am still dating José. We are now the talk of the Farmer's Market. He's very sweet and funny. We have been meeting at lunch time and after work when we are able, and talk on the phone pretty much every night. It is fun, but not too serious. I like him, but I'm not in love with him. I also keep thinking of reality...and how fast it's approaching for us. The peach season is only supposed to last until Labor Day weekend. After that, I won't be making a delivery at the Market everyday. He will, however, be working there everyday until 6 PM except Sundays. Still, it could work...but he lives near Simpsonville (close to an hour away) and has to be at work early, so he doesn't stay up late. Still it could work...but added to our many differences it just becomes another hurdle, and I'm not sure if our young relationship can jump it...or even really if we should try. It could just be forever a fond memory...a highlight of a crazy time in my life....but then, he is really sweet and fun...so who knows...these days I don't presume to predict any part of my future...

...except for the week around Labor Day weekend...my family is supposed to be going to a family reunion in North Florida! I'll be spending alot of time with family stuff, but should be able to sneak away for a while to hang out if anyone is in town and has some free time. We are supposed to be there from August 30th-September 5. Let me know...and I'll call around before then, since I doubt if anyone is still reading my blog since I keep not updating it :-)

Cobaye

Guinea-Pig. I am going to be a Guinea-Pig. Tuesday evening I recieved a call from a research center that is a part of my doctor's office. It seems they are doing a study on women that suffer from migraines that they believe are linked to their Estrogen levels. I, as some of you may know, am afflicted by this problem as I have a week of migraines most months. There isn't currently a drug on the market that is capable of delivering the right hormone levels without causing Estrogen-withdrawl migraines. My doctor gives me a lower level patch that helps to control the migraines but that amount of hormone is still too much for me to have a normal cycle. This new study is attempting to combine two drugs that are FDA approved and currently on the market in the hopes that it will provide the appropriate hormone levels and not cause migraines. I thought it sounded like an interesting study and anything that would help me to have a normal functioning body and not give me mind-numbing headaches is something worth being a part of. The study also has a couple of perks... two doctor visits, free drugs, and $25. My first doctor's visit is tomorrow (Friday) and is a complete physical. They said it would take about an hour and a half and will be a total check-up including an EKG. I think it's pretty neat that I get free doctor visits, something I took for granted back in my carefree insured days. They also said that if the drug combination works well on me, they will be able to perscribe both pills until the combination pill goes on the market. Otherwise it would be pretty sucky to find something that works and then not be able to use it until it's mass produced. The 25 dollars isn't bad either...I'd never pass up free money. The woman on the phone said she used to tell people that they buy you a tank of gas...she said now they just buy you about 5 gallons, lol. I'm not looking forward to spending that long at the doctor's tomorrow, but I'm excited to be a part of the study anyway.

In addition to my $25 for the study, I made a random $10 yesterday at the peach stand. I sold a pocket knife that my dad gave me. It wasn't any heirloom or anything, just a knife he bought after he lost his, and then he bought a better one later and he never really liked this one. I thought it was cute, so I asked if I could have it. At the stand we have a sample peach that people taste before buying our fruit...I forgot the usual cutting board and knife that we use at home where it was being washed one day, so I just used my pocket knife and a paper towel for the sample. This woman saw the knife and became obsessed with it. She asked me where I got it and was looking at it and everything. A few days later she asked if I would sell it because she hadn't been able to locate one like it. I didn't have it with me that day but I said I'd think of a price and bring it some other day. She came back the next day, and after talking to my dad who thinks he paid between 5 and 15 dollars for it, I decided to ask for 10, and she paid it! More easy money, haha.

I haven't really written about the West Virginia trip yet, I know. Since we got back I've been working from 7:30 AM to 6:45 PM (and not actually getting home until about 7:30PM). We have been having record high temperatures with the heat index around 105 degrees! So, when I get home I'm much more concerned with a shower, food and bed than with my blog. I've missed writing regularly, but at least my sister is finished with Summer classes, so for the next couple of weeks I won't be working quite as much. I do plan to eventually post some pictures of the family reunion as well as some pics from my recent Florida trip. As far as writing about WV, there really isn't much to say. It was dramatic and tiring, although it was nice to see alot of family members we haven't seen in a long time. My Mom's cousin, Jerry Lee, had a heart attack at the reunion, so that was a major event. The attack was severe with a 99% blockage in one artery, but he was fortunate that not much damage was done to his heart and we just hgot word that he has been released from the hospital. Praise be to the Lord.

We were constantly harassed by this stupid old woman that wouldn't recognize a good time if it walked up and slapped her in the face! Mamma and Dora are living in a senior citizens apartment building that has a code to get in the door. Each tenet gets a code that they use to get it...and originally they were told they could give it out to whom ever they deemed trustworthy. Consequently, they gave it out to the many family members that came and went out of their apartment throughout the weekend. This crazy old bat would stand in the lobby and watch to see if people entered a code and then tell them repeatedly that the letter said no one but residents were supposed to have the code (an intersting side note is that the letter didn't appear until halfway through the weekend when everyone already knew the code). Also we stored some chicken and eggs in a downstairs refrigerator and when two family members went to retrieve it, Crazy asked them if it belonged to them and they told her "yes" and then later the woman told us that they were very hostile...I guess they should have said "yes, you crazy old stick in the mud, it is our chicken!" haha

One other note-worthy moment was when my Mom and I sang karaoke! I've never done that before in my life and almost chickened out, but ultimately decided it would be more fun than embarrassing and it's just family anyway so who cares? Our song of choice was one of our favorites and a number often featured in our home singing sessions..."If I Had $1000000" by The Barenaked Ladies. If you don't know the song, you should, it's funny. We were surprisingly a big hit, and we earned many cheers and applause at the conclusion. Later, Mom, Jenny, and I joined several other family members to sing "Lean On Me" and of course "We Are Family" although it quickly became clear that everyone knew the chorus much better than any of the choruses. It was starting to get addicting by the end...I can see how people go sing it all the time. It was crazy, fun and nerve-racking...much like the rest of the weekend!

In other news, my friend Stacy stopped by my stand yesterday on her way from WV back to Florida. She wasn't able to stay long, but it was really nice to see her, and to meet her friend, Joe. I'm glad that so far I've been able to maintain some of my friendships since moving to SC. I don't get to see or even talk to my wonderful friends as often as I'd like...but know that you are always on my mind, even if I am terrible at picking up the phone! Take care friends, and thank you for hanging in there and reading my sporadic entries!

Je Suis Ici

I Am Here. I know it has been too long since I've written an entry, and I sincerely apologize to my readers...if I still have any, but I am still here. This time I really don't even have the excuse that nothing is going on...my only defense is that I've been working alot, and am too tired and hot to sit at the computer when I get home. Today, however, I had the day off since I was supposed to go out of town so I am able to still be awake at 11:51PM. So without further ado about nothing...

I did, as many of you know, make it to Florida a couple of weeks ago. The trip was fantastic! I got to spend time with many of my wonderful friends, and even got to spend some time with family in Cocoa. When I'm at home, I so often just miss hanging out and talking with friends, so it was really refreshing to see everyone. I especially enjoyed the "Girl's Outing" which I found to be not only fun but therapeutic as well. Thank you Z for putting up with me for an entire week, and even welcoming me into your family's home. It was a great week, and I started missing you as soon as you dropped from sight in my rear-view mirror! I'm sorry, Rob, that we didn't get a chance to get together...we'll have to make up for that next time!

Things here have been going pretty well. I have, as I said earlier, been working a lot. My sister has been getting really busy in school, so I've had to work many of her shifts in addition to mine which makes for a 7:30AM-6:45PM day! The money has been good, but with temperatures often in the high nineties, it's been pretty rough. I have, however, been spending more and more time with José. We talk every morning at the Farmer's Market, and then he often comes over to my stand at lunch time, and then comes over after he gets off too if I'm working late. We also have been talking on the phone alot. I still have serious doubts that he will be "the one" but he has many great qualities that are at least for now very compelling. He is nice, funny, and thoughtful, and I might add, a talented kisser. Who knows how long it will last, but for now, it's fun, and I enjoy talking to him everyday. He even came over to my house last Sunday(our only day off). It was a bit awkward at first having him meet my family, but after a while it got easier and after watching the end of Apollo 13, playing several games of badminton, and a couple hours of talking on the porch, I would say the visit was a success. He even brought some boiled peanuts that I had joked about a few days earlier saying they would impress my Dad.

Tomorrow I leave for West Virginia. We are headed to the Butcher Family Reunion in Huntington (Go Herd!). I will be coming back on Sunday. I really look forward to seeing Mamma...I haven't seen her since November when she moved there. I'm also looking forward to a relaxing weekend, and the pool at our hotel! I'll be sure to write all about it when I return...honestly, I'll try ;-)

My Mom got me the neatest thing the other day. It is "The Men in Uniform" calander featuring none other than The Alachua County Sheriff's Office and The Gainesville Police Department! It is the most random and cool thing I've gotten in a long time. Anyone that knows me well, knows I love men in uniform anyway...and Mom happened to be watching Regis and Kelly the other day (a show she never watches) and Regis was talking about this calender being sold by the ASO and the GPD. She thought I'd get a kick out of it, and portions of the proceeds go to support Reichert House and The Florida Sheriff's Youth Ranch. I think it's a great idea and recommend you check it out! I've added it as a link on the blog.

I hate it when I go long periods without writing, because then I feel that I need to do alot of catching up, so the entry becomes more dry and news-like and loses alot of its flow and wit. I felt that especially with this entry, so I apologize...

Pas Le Même

Not The Same. Working at the peach stand, like many other places, can get monotonous. Everyday I get up at 6:45AM, get ready, arrive at the Orchard at 7:30AM where I pick up my peach-laden truck. I then head down to the Greer stand and pick up some other stuff...usually blueberries, plums and tomatoes. I then drive to the Greenville Farmer's Market and make a delivery. After unloading the truck, getting baskets back, and getting paid, I drive over to my stand where I unload my truck, set up the stand, and sell peaches until 1:30 on an early day, or 6:30 on a late day. I then load all the empty baskets on the truck and drive it back to the orchard. This would be the reason I haven't written as many blog entries of late. I simply haven't had much to write about. I worked 45 1/2 hours last week selling peaches, and that doesn't leave too much time for anything else.

Well, I'm telling you about my boring, ordinary days, so that I can tell you about an exception. Today, wasn't quite like every other day. I still had to get up early, which was bad since we had a BBQ thing last night to celebrate the 4th (a day early since Dad was off that night, but not tonight). The day actually started off kinda sucky, because I went around a corner and dropped a peck of plums (that's a small basket for those of you that aren't produce savvy) off the back of my truck. They spilled all over the road. I was so mad at myself and scared of telling my boss, but she actually just laughed and said things like that happen sometimes and it was no big deal. Yesterday her grandson dropped 15 big watermelons off the back of his truck, so at least my plums aren't too bad in comparison.

When I got to the Farmer's Market, still kicking myself about the plums, it was nice to see and talk to Juan, the guy that works at the Farm I deliver to, and unloads my truck. We've been talking a little more each day that I've been working there, and it's become more and more apparent that he likes me. Yesterday he asked for my number, and I gave it to him. Today he asked if I would date him. I decided to be honest and tell him I didn't know. I explained that it could be difficult because we are very different, and he said to take my time and think about it. He gave me a 1/2 gallon of fresh-squeezed orange juice too, which really has nothing to do with anything, but it was nice. So, I think what I'm going to do is tell him we'll take it slow and see how it goes...get to know each other better...hang out and go out somewhere away from produce and see if there's any potential there.

My work then continued as usual, with the exception of it being so hot that I thought I would melt any minute and having to endure hearing about where people are going on vacation, and what they're making with their peach purchases all day. Then, at about 1:00PM this man came in that often comes in during my morning shift to buy a small bag of soft peaches. He bought his usual order, and then asked me a question no one else down there ever has...have you had lunch? I said no, but that I was getting off soon, and then would get lunch. He insisted on bringing me lunch. We went back and forth for a while until finally I broke down and accepted the offer...expecting just a hamburger on a paper plate or something simple like that. Well, he came back about 30 minutes later and gave me a feast! First he handed me a ceramic plate full of homemade chicken and rice served with fresh lemon and lime wedges, mint, basil, and parsley and covered in a grilled tortilla. I was amazed at that, and thanking him profusely, when he handed me a bowl of salad with a homemade vinagrette. Again I thanked him, and then he handed me a mug of ice, and a bottle of Coke. He even brought a fork and spoon. I was floored. I told him I had no idea that he was going to give me so much and told him I needed to give him free peaches, but he wouldn't hear of getting anything in return. I split the lunch with J and it was truly amazing, and such a luxurious meal to eat under a road side tent that doesn't even have electricity. I don't even know that man's name, but I'm so very grateful for his kindness...I will have to strive to be like that to people that I meet!

So, my day wasn't that different than any other day. I still answered dumb questions all day, sorted through itchy peaches, and sold a ton of produce, but the day had a refreshing feel to it...but then, maybe that's just those peaches...they are so darn refreshing!

Only 4 days left 'til Florida, I really can't wait!!!

Il Pleut

It's Raining. And has been all day. But as the saying goes.."The peaches must be sold!" Wait, that's not the saying...someone should inform my boss. She was always just about to let me go home and close my stand when the rain would let up for a few minutes. Thinking it was bound to let up for good any minute (despite the flash flood warnings) she instructed me to wait out the bad parts of the storm in the truck, and to sell peaches when it wasn't raining. Just another one of those days that makes you look around and wonder what you're doing with your life!

I've been thinking alot about that lately. After work on Saturday, I did some shopping in Downtown Greenville and then got a Caramel Frappachino and walked down to the Reedy River Falls Park. I happened to stumble onto the Wachovia Rhythm of the Tropics Festival. I had no idea it was going on, and just turned around a corner to find bands and people and food everywhere. It was fun to just wander around, getting lost in the crowd. I watched some of the performances including a Latino Hip-Hop group complete with Shakira-like dancers, considered buying some interesting food but refrained after seeing high prices and long lines. I ended up sitting on a stone wall across from the water falls. I love to just sit there and observe the scenery. You have rolling green hills surrounded by little stone walls. There are people scattered around the park..some partaking of a picnic on blankets, others posing for family pictures, or playing catch with their dog. There are couples holding hands on the swings, and kids sliding down the gentler slopes of the Falls. It takes you back to some other time, and really has an uncanny ability to slow life down. It is the perfect place to go and think things over.

I thought about my life. I thought about my disappointment at not finding a career job. My frustration at not really getting connected to a social atmosphere and new people here. I longed for friends in Florida. I found comfort in being closer to family. I smiled as I thought about my planned trip to Florida in a few weeks. My mind wandered through confusion as I thought about the guy I see everyday at work that I'm pretty sure likes me alot. I consider my responses if he ever does actually ask me out. He is Mexican, which isn't necessarily a problem, but is very different. I consider the line between giving new opportunities a chance, and reacting to the first chance that comes along. I don't want fear to make decisions for me...if I reject someone out of fear of what others will think, or what differences will arise that is not right...but niether is accepting them out of fear that I'm being judgemental or stemming from lonliness. I have been in relationships in which I was loved...and one in which I loved...I long for a relationship in which I can both love and be loved. Until I find that, I guess any opportunity is worth at least a little exploration, because who knows which will be the one? I don't know how long I spent sitting there, listening to the bustle around me, and the low roar of the Falls before I decided I should head home. I didn't really decide anything, or come up with anything profound...but I did feel incredibly refreshed and prepared to take on whatever comes next in my life at the crossroads.

I'd like to take a moment to welcome my good Venezuelan/French friend to the Blogsphere. She has recently launched her own blog entitled Vida and can now be found in my links. I'm not too sure she's decided to keep up with it yet, but what she's posted so far is great, and I look forward to reading more!

As mentioned earlier in this post... I have decided to pay a much needed visit to The Sunshine State. I plan to arrive in Gainesville on July 8th. The current plan is to then spend a couple of days in my hometown of Cocoa. I will then return to Gatorville to spend the rest of the week. I leave for home on Sunday, July 16th. I'm very excited about spending the time with my friends, and resting in blissful familiarity! If you have time to hang out that week, be sure to let me know!

Roche, Papier, Ciseaux

Rock, Paper, Scissors. Tonight we watched one of the silliest shows we've ever watched. Well, maybe the craziest thing since the National Spelling Bee. We watched the USARPS Tournament on A&E. That's the United States of America Rock Paper Scissors League. I saw the listing on the T.V. Guide channel and had to turn it over to see if that was really what it was, and sure enough, people were actually playing Rock, Paper, Scissors! The "players" were all talking about their different strategies and trying to psych the other players out...it was crazy. Even crazier, perhaps, was the tournament it spawned in our living room. During the first commercial break, Mom, J and I rocked...we papered...and we definitely scissored! I don't think we had a clear-cut winner...we all won and lost some matches. We came to the conclusion that there is a very small amount of strategy that goes into the game...an aspect of predicting what the other person is going to throw based on what you know about them. I believe that when playing strangers in a tournament, however, it's pretty much just luck! It was a crazy show to watch, but we had a really fun time playing a simple childhood game and finding patterns in what we each chose to throw. The winner on T.V. got $50,000, but we got about that many laughs! One...Two...Three...?

Occupé

Occupied. Sorry I haven't posted lately, but things have been a bit crazy around here lately. My Mom has recently started a new, full-time job out of the home. My Dad is in New Jersey again. My work schedule is changing and getting more complicated everyday. I found out yesterday that the owner isn't able to open the new store on Batesville RD as planned, but is going to have me work the stand on 291. I even get to drive the company flat-bed truck! I have always liked driving different vehicles, so I think that will be fun. I also miss driving a truck since my dad sold our F250 monster truck (my first car). It chugged a ton of gas, was broken down almost more often than it ran, did not have a CD player, or air conditioning, but it was one of the biggest non-commercial things on the road, sounded amazing, and was a lot of fun to drive! My boss also plans to work me everyday, so that will be nice for my checking account! Also, since I'm not the only person working this stand, it should be easier for me to get off for some trips I want to take over the Summer. I have a family reunion coming up, and I'm pretty sure I need to make another trip to G-ville sometime soon, I'm really starting to miss my friends!

In addition to working at the Orchard, I've been trying to advance my job search. An extended family member of mine has recently started working for a company in Alachua, FL that handles donor tissues for transplant. I am excited by the idea of returning to the greater Gainesville area, although it is far from my family again. At this point, I'm applying for any career job that I will be able to afford to take. RTI (the Alachua company) isn't currently hiring Microbiologists, but there is one tech job I'm looking into, and I plan to send them a resume to see if anything happens. I've also found a staffing agency in NC that handles Lab personel exclusively, so I've sent them a resume as well. As for now I'll just be selling peaches and waiting for a sonic boom.
It's a busy week and an even busier time in my life...stay tuned..I'll try to update more often!

Je m'appelle Calamity

My name is Calamity. I don't know what it is about me...a natural tendancy, my left-handedness, or maybe I just don't pay enough attention, but for some reason I'm rather accident prone. I often find myself in random situations such as when I ended up under a boat on the loading ramp holding on for dear life to the tongue of the trailer, or when I ended up hydroplaning into the sliding glass doors at Publix, and I can't forget numerous injuries sustained in my Conditioning class. At Cocoa High I played on the girl's Soccer team and recieved the award for Most Injured Goalie...sustaining a concussion, a busted nose, sprained neck, hyper-extended knee, and several bouts of bursitis. In my softball career I've now been hit by the ball twice...once in the leg and last week in the head. Now I have another incident to add to my long and distinguised list...I fell on the camping trip!

The weekend was a blast overall! It was so nice to spend the time outdoors, and my family really got along great. We still camp in tents, which I really prefer to campers because I feel that a motor home doesn't really give you the same camping experience as does a tent...and actually I sleep better in a tent. We brought along my hound, Socrates, and I really enjoyed spending the time with him as well. He was kinda nervous and over-protective at first, barking at anything or anyone that went near our site, and the first night he paced around the tent alot and made me take him out three times. By the end of the weekend, however, he settled into the laid-back lifestyle as he trudged along trails, napped in the shade, met a fish, slept throught the night, and absolutely refused to eat anything healthy (much like the rest of the family).

We went camping at a Greenville County Park called Pleasant Ridge only 25 minutes from my house. We got there early and set up our two tents and got all the supplies squared away. Over the weekend we did some swimming in the lake. They have a roped off area. Honestly the swimming was probably my least favorite part...the weather here hasn't really warmed up enough for a long enough time to raise the entire lake's frigid temperature...so you swim along and go from shallower areas of nice warm water, to cold pockets that chill you to the bone. It was still refreshing though in the heat of the day when you were approaching the melting point.

We also did some fishing...although it took us until the last evening to figure out the perfect time to fish. The fish start biting at 6 PM, and you have from then until dark when the Rangers close the lake. That last evening we finally caught some fish...I caught 5, J caught about that many, and Mom got one. Dad, unfortunately, didn't catch anything but a few trees. It was funny because for once Mom, J and me were rigging, baiting, casting, and taking the fish off our own lines leaving Dad free to fish. Or as it turns out, free to catch a tree ;-) Everyone has their days... All the fish that we caught were small brim and were released after caught. Socrates did not know what to think of the fish...he kept tilting his head and perking up his ears as he tried to figure out what it was as it flopped around on the line. I have a picture of his first encounter that I'll post later.

We had some very interesting neighbors at the campsite. On one side of us was a Preacher and his family that were taking the weekend off. We really got along with them well. Socrates was tied up between our sites and their son would try to get him to come over to their site to play with him. They also gave him some scraps, so by the time they were packing up to leave I think Socrates was half tempted to load up with them. In the course of our conversations with them, I told them that I was looking for a Microbiology job, and it turned out that the woman works at Cryovac, a local company that often hires Microbiologists. She works for the Credit Union there, but her mother works in a lab, so the last day she gave me a phone number to call to inquire about a job. It was a really neat and random connection that seemed a bit more than coincidental to me, so I'm definitely going to follow the lead! Our other neighbors were a bit more sketchy, but provided a great deal of entertainment. It was a man and I believe his girlfriend. I'd seen him many times working out at the YMCA that I go to, so we talked about that and had a nice introduction and went about our business. Then he came over and talked to us forever. We all thought he was kind of crazy, but seemed nice enough. We ended up learning all sorts of interesting things about him, like that he lives off alimony he gets from his ex wife because he raised their son alone while he went through a brain tumor diagnosis. He also apparently teaches Pilates at the Y. One morning I looked over and saw him doing what looked like either Tai Chi or Pilates while smoking like a chimney. That struck me as particularly interesting and funny and probably best describes the randomness of Donnie. Throughout the weekend we would see him doing all sorts of different activities...like riding a bike, sleeping outside on his air mattress in the middle of the day, playing on one of those kids park merry-go rounds, and even clogging to bluegrass music at another campsite. It was weird and funny.

One of our favorite things to do at the park was to walk a Nature Trail that led from the camp ground up to the lake. Along the way there was this really pretty little waterfall that you could walk in and around. It made little shallow pools of water around it that were fun to walk through and allowed us to cool off without having to swim in the lake. This brings me full-circle in this post, back to the reason my name is Calamity. On Sunday afternoon, we stopped by the waterfall on our way to go fishing. We all, including Socrates, went walking in the shallow pools and walking over the smooth rocks. Socrates, a bassett hound not particularly found of water, liked walking in and drinking some of the water but preferred to hop from rock to rock. I was holding him on the retractable leash and standing on a rock on one side of a pool when Socrates suddenly took off and jumped two rocks over (as it turned out, just a bit farther than the leash would extend). I was jerked off the rock I was standing on...leapt toward the nearest one, but slipped on the slick stone and splashed down in a pool. Unfortunately, my left elbow landed on a rock getting cut and bruised, my right wrist and left knee were also scraped up in the process. The worst thing affected at the time, however, was my ego...as there were a couple other people nearby to watch the whole event. After the fact, I've been most affected by a very stiff and sore back, which I apparently sprained as I twisted and fell. That has made work at the Orchard very difficult and painful, but with some modifications and medication, it is quickly recovering.

As I said earlier in this lenghty post, the weekend was great and I am so very glad we went. We are planning to go on many more camping trips now that we've found a place we like up here. We already have a list of things we want to buy or do next time to make things go even more smoothly. Next time, I am also planning to get my own site, since I already have my own tent so that we will have more room and even more importantly...more level space on which to spend our time (a problem we did not encounter while camping in FL).

A few sites down from ours there was a group of girls camping. They came in and met there from different colleges...one as far away as Virginia, others from here and Georgia. It reminded me of an idea Kathy had a while ago for a group of us to meet in Georgia or somewhere and camp for a weekend. I still think that is a great idea and we should think about doing it sometime in the future...it looked like fun. Their little reunion really made me miss all my friends :-(

Thanks for reading the post...I know it was long. I will post some pics soon.

Faire de camping.

To Camp. The family is going camping tomorrow. We are going to spend Memorial weekend out camping in the woods! I am really looking forward to it. I love camping. We are taking two tents, and a ton of other supplies. It should be a wonderful weekend...even Socrates (my Bassett Hound for those of you that don't know that) is going. Our only concern is the possibility of thunderstorms tomorrow afternoon. The weather for the rest of the weekend looks great. I pray that we have a safe and fun weekend and that we all get along well. I pray that you have a safe and fun Memorial weekend too! I'll be sure and write all about it when we return on Monday afternoon.

J'ai mal de tête.

I have a headache! And probably will have it for a while. Last night at the softball game, while playing second base in a stupid game that wasn't even official since we didn't have enough players and therefore had to forfeit, I got hit on the head by the softball. I was attempting to catch an infield fly when it deflected off my glove and landed heavily on the top of my forehead...right at the hairline. I have a handsome knot and bruise to show for it, and if you look close you can even see the outline of the stitching off the ball on my scalp. I've pretty much had a headache since. I did not have any other problems though..no confusion or dizzyness or eye problems so I did not go to the hospital. My sister, a student nurse did wake me up periodically throughout the night and ask me questions to make sure I was okay. Today I am feeling a little better, the aspirin helps to dull the headache. If I don't touch it, or raise my eyebrows (something I didn't realize I did so much) it's not too bad! Now I get to go to work and sell peaches! The fun never stops!

Rob...I'm sorry I haven't called you lately, and the rest of this week is really busy for me, but I'll make a point to call you sometime next week! That's great that you got a job, congratulations! Thank you for mentioning that a spot is now open at Kennolyn, but I really am at peace about my decision not to go this Summer. The only thing that I hated was not getting to spend the time with you and feeling I'd let you down. Your decision not to go only acts as a confirmation that I chose the right path for this Summer. Again, good luck with the job, and I'll talk to you soon!

Enfin et Finale (Deux)

Finally and Finale (Two). Finale. I don't know how many of my readers are Will & Grace fans, or for that matter I don't even know how many readers I have, but I am a huge fan of the show and watched the Finale tonight. As you probably know this was the last season, so this was the last show.

**I should warn anyone that follows the show, but missed the finale that I intend to talk about it and will probably spoil it for you so you may not want to read further if you care about that.**



I was really surprised at the way they ended the show. I thought they might end it with Grace marrying Leo again and going off to Rome and Will getting back together with Vince, with Karen and Jack up to their usual hijinks. I expected several tearful goodbyes and promises to visit and so forth. Or as many shows end up, not saying goodbye to each other so the viewers are left with the feeling the characters are going about their lives, perpetually the same as you last saw them. I did not expect them to show you the future of the characters and to get into a discussion of changing lives, moving on and destiny. It floored me.

The subject eerily resonated with a great deal of my thoughts of late, and with those written about on my friend's page (The Zed in my links). It's the idea that life operates much like a television show in that you have similar dramatic moments, cliff-hangers and even cast changes. Often very important and even essential characters are killed off or move away, and the plot keeps moving along with new important and essential people. That idea is shown perfectly with Will and Grace in the final show. After Grace gets back with Leo, they don't talk for two years, and then after a brief encounter drift apart for twenty years before their kids get together and eventually reunite their friendship in the end. I think the last part is a bit of a stretch, but most of that seems very likely.

The idea of two people that connected; the kind of people that finish each others thoughts and know what the other one's thinking, and are that comfortable and invested in a rut, even if the relationship is far from conventional, suddenly end up worlds apart is a strange one to me. It's a struggle I really identified with while watching the show. I have a relationship that in many ways is similar to the one shared by Will & Grace, and it is just as deep, and confusing and wonderful and aweful as is theirs. The primary difference being that Will & Grace are actually actors that memorize a script handed to them by very witty and talented writters, while I am forced to work without a script. I often sit and wonder what twists, turns, and changes are in store for my "show". I wonder what the ideal future and ending might be. Although I have never really spent much time dwelling on the scenario played out on tonight's finale...partly because it is in many ways a sad and scary ending, I now find it to be a very compelling possibility. I'm sure if they fleshed out the years they skipped over in the show tonight, it wouldn't be easy, funny, or totally without regret...but in the end, the characters ended up in very happy and healthy places, and even preserved their tried and true friendship in the end.

I'm not sure what I'm saying in this post, or if I'm saying anything at all. I just know that the Will & Grace finale really hit close to home tonight. The show both saddened me and gave me hope. It made me think of future cast changes, and those that have already happened, and a few I fear are happening now. I tend to avoid change like the plague, but circumstances, distance and the ever-steady drumming of time demand it anyway. I sit here tonight, and wish I could read the next season's script.

Feel free to weigh in with your own thoughts...if you can follow any of my convoluted ramblings, or at least feel free to discuss what you thought of the finale if you watched it.

Enfin et Finale (Un)

Finally and Finale (One). Finally, I am back online. The internet still is not working perfectly, but is much better. The Cable Guy is coming out Sunday to work on our "borderline" high-speed internet connection. Yesterday I posted a comment on my last entry (as I was able to post a comment but not a new entry) that gave an update. I doubt many people read it so here it is again:

I've decided not to go to California...they were only able to offer the possibility of an office job so I declined the second interview. The inside job coupled with the change from a road trip to a flight just made the whole thing seem much less adventurous than what I initially envisioned. I'd be flying out to CA and then spending most of my time indoors, so I didn't see why that was better then working outside here, making more money, and going on several vacations I've got lined up. The only thing that I will truly miss will be the time spent with you, Rob. I was looking forward to the fun times, but I'm sure there will be future opportunities to hang out, at least I hope there will be.

I'm working full-time at the Orchard this Summer.

I finally joined the church choir and had my first practice with them on Wednesday...It was amazing. They were very welcoming and instantly made me feel like part of the group. I should have joined sooner! Tuesday we also started going to a new Women's Bible Study, the first meeting had a bunch of introduction stuff, but I think once it settles in, it will really be a great study.

Z and his Mom visited last weekend. It was a great visit. It was really nice for my family to be able to get to know his Mom better. The only problem with the visit was that it was too short!

I was hit on at work the other day. This guy with a really thick accent (maybe Russian?) asked if I was married or had a boyfriend and then asked me out to a lunch or something. He was actually kinda cute, but the fact that he was somekind of foriegner (not that I'm against them or anything, but the desparation seemed enough to raise Green-Card suspicions) and the fact that he came on to a co-worker last week, led me to politely decline the offer. It was still nice to be asked. I seem to have an affinity for weird random desperate people...

Today my boss sent me to the bank to get some change. I gave the teller $100 in 20s and asked for 4 10s and the rest in 5s. She then gave me $600 in 5s and was giving me another $400 in 10s when I informed her that I'd only given her $100. She gasped at her error and thanked me repeatedly for my honesty. I had nearly $1000 in my hand for a minute there though...man, wish I could have kept it...

Un Film Drôle

A Funny Film. I had a busy and fun day. It didn't start off terribly spectacular..I woke up around 10 and got ready for work. Talked with Mom and J and we sang some of our favorite songs, ending with the ever-funny, If I Had $1000000 by The Barenaked Ladies. I then went off to work for my 1:30-6:30 shift. Even work was more interesting today, because I got to work with someone. Most days of the week aren't that busy so my boss only has one person working, but on Fridays when most people get paid and many go to the store, it can really get hopping, so she has two of us work. I worked with Morene, she is really nice and a hard worker, we had alot of good laughs and shared some crackers and pineapple twizzlers. It did storm though which really slowed business down, so it got pretty boring just watching people drive by too fast in the pouring rain.

I impressed several people today at work. A few people asked what the date was, and I told them it was Cinco de Mayo. They were impressed, and one lady said she'd never heard of it, I thought that was odd. And this man came in and told us his $20 bill was counterfeit. He said that he was telling the truth, then quoted George Orwell saying that "to tell the truth will be revolutionary". He then asked me if I knew who George Orwell was and I said I did. He didn't believe me and challenged me to name his two famous books. He was amazed when I replied 1984 and Animal Farm. Thank you Mrs. Spencer! I then told him I'd read the latter. We spent several minutes discussing Orwell along with Brave New World, a book I've read and that he owns but hasn't read. Oh, and he also explained why his money (which did not turn black when marked with the special "counterfeit detector pen") was indeed counterfeit. He said that if we didn't believe him, we should take the bill down to the bank and ask for the equivalent amount in gold and see just how "real" it is. It was a very interesting and stimulating conversation, if for no other reason that it didn't involve me answering one of the many stupid questions that I am asked daily...like how much is a gallon of these strawberries? (the ones all around the sign with the strawberry prices).

After closing things up at the shed, I headed home. I was especially excited to come home because my Dad was supposed to be back. He has been working in Dover, New Jersey for the last week and a half. His flight got in around 6. Shortly after I got home, J and him drove up. I was very glad to see him, we'd all missed him and since all sorts of things mysteriously break anytime he's gone, we really needed him home too. Welcome back Dad! He brought us T-shirts from Jersey too, thanks!

After dinner, J and I decided to go see a movie. Niether of us were really feeling the newly released and greatly hyped MI:III; we were in the mood for a comedy. So we decided to see RV with Robin Williams. I hadn't really heard much about it, and it had mediocre reviews, but decided to give it a chance. I'm really glad I did, because it was really funny. Will it go down in history as a classic? Probably not, but it was a very fun movie to see. The kind of movie that makes everyone in the theatre laugh at one point or another. A movie that just makes you forget about anything serious as you sit back and laugh out loud. I highly recommend it, if you want to see a good screwball comedy (my favorites).

Au Téléphone

On the Telephone. I had my interview with Camp Kennolyn last night over the phone. It went really well. The woman that does the interviewing is really nice and easy to talk to, and the questions were pretty generic. I tried to just be honest and be myself. They are looking at offering me a job in the camp store. It sounds really easy, I don't even eally deal with money...the kids all have accounts that the items are deducted from, I would just have to enter their names and the items they bought into a computer. I also would sort the mail as it came in for the kids. I think that part will be really neat since you know the kids will really anticipate their mail from home. The position, like the counselor positions, is a resident one, so I'll still live and eat at the camp. She said it may even pay a little more. I'll still get days off like everyone else too.

Another job that I might get is The Naturalist, since I'm a Microbiologist. When I have my second interview with the Camp Director he is supposed to talk to me more about that. I really hope that works out because it would actually give me some experiece that is more related to my job field, and would allow me to be outdoors more. I'll just have to keep my fingers crossed for that one.

As you may have already deduced...I've decided to take the CA job if it's offered to me. As Rob noted yesterday on my blog...since niether job is related to my career, I should pick the cooler one. If California doesn't work out, I will be content staying here and running the peach shed, but if I didn't take the opportunity in Cali and stayed here to work, I think I would always be haunted by what might have been. Who knows what opportunities and future friends might be awaiting in CA? And at the very least, I will definitely see some amazing sights!

**Rob, they told me the date that they wanted me to be there, and I thought I should make sure they're the same as yours since we plan to road trip out. They are June 12-September 4. Are those the dates you are planning on? I definitely want to travel together, I think that will make the experience so much more fun! Let me know...either leave a note or call me**

Confus...encore

Confused...again. Have you ever just decided what you wanted to do and had everything figured out when you were thrown a cuvre ball? No, I'm not talking about softball again...I'm talking about my Summer plans. They have taken an interesting and confusing turn. So, originally I was just planning to stay here, in SC and work at the Peach Stand. Admittedly a simple and almost mundane job, but easy and kinda fun with good produce discounts. Then my friend told me about the Summer camp job in California. Definitely more interesting. The chance to travel to CA, with a detour at the Grand Canyon, living at a camp in a Redwood Forest for two months, spending time on the Pacific Beach, seeing San Francisco, and did I mention spending a Summer with a great friend? The Peach business was looking duller with every second. And even better was that they were going to pay me more than I'd make at the Orchard, so it was completely justifiable. Then my friend talked to the camp people and they already had alot of their positions filled and the chances seemed bleak for me unless I could teach Horseback Riding, Ropes, or Ceramics all of which I've had little to no experience in. (Back to the Peach Shed I go) but they said I should apply anyway since you never know. So, I got the extensive application packet together, complete with essay and three references, and faxed it off to CA.

California then called and checked up on my references, something I considered to be a good sign. In the meantime, the owner of the Orchard called to ask if I could start work...she called a few people in early to sell strawberries. Since I have virtually nothing going on, and don't know for sure about Cali, and could use the money I said sure. I've now been working since Friday. I didn't tell her anything about the CA opportunity in case it doesn't work out, and didn't use her as a reference since that would be a conflict of interest. Friday after getting home from work I had an email from Camp making sure I knew what the money would be and to make sure I had no qualms about the dress and moral code. I didn't and sent them a reply saying so.

Now, things get a bit trickier...yesterday whilst I vended strawberries, my boss stopped by the shed to check on things. She told me she'd spent the morning looking at a piece of property that she is planning to lease and put up another stand on. I'm thinking, wow, that's great, I'm glad the business is doing well and that sounds like a prime location. Then she says that she had me in mind to run it. Ever since she first thought of adding the location, she'd been planning to have me run it. Uh oh. She explained that it would be involve a whole lot more hours, and considerably more money. I figured it up later and it is over 40 hours and over $100/week more than I'd be making at the camp. I told her that it sounded great to me and that I definitely want as many hours and as much money as possible. I did tell her, however, that there was a slight chance I'd be taking a job in CA over the Summer, but that it didn't look very promising and I hadn't heard from them in a while.

I came home, I told my family, and they were excited about the possible promotion even if it is just in peaches. My Dad, a supporter of me staying here to better continue my career job search, was especially excited. With the more money here, Cali is less justifiable. I was content though, thinking that CA might not work anyway and maybe this was God's way of telling me that there are opportunities here. Before bed last night, I was going to write an entry all about that, and about how I was most likely staying here, and that it must be God's will since I haven't heard from the camp. Before logging onto Blogger though, I decided to check my email, and lo and behold, I"ve got mail. An excited Greetings from Kennolyn (the camp) appears in the subject line. They wanted to set up a phone interview for Wednesday or Thursday. I gave them some times that I would be available.

So now we arrive at the present, in this roller-coaster that is my life. I am waiting for the phone to ring to have an interview with Kennolyn. I have the day off at the Orchard. I have been making mental "pro" and "con" lists since sometime yesterday afternoon, and they keep running neck and neck. Maybe I'll list them here later today after I've talked with the camp.

I am really having a tough time deciding what I should do. One of the choices is more responsible, the other more exciting. Niether is really in the direction of my eventual career. So, I ask you, my devoted readers to let me know what you think...I could use the advice! I'll keep you posted.

*Sorry for another lengthy post...it was just too much to express in a paragraph.*

Un Bon Homme

A Good Man. Tonight I watched one of my favorite shows on television; As Time Goes By. It is a British comedy, and if you haven't gotten the chance to watch it, I highly recommend that you do. In a nutshell, it's about a couple that were in love in their youth but were separated for many years. They never thought they'd meet again, but did years later and their love was reunited. The story picks up there, with their life and issues and kids and circumstances now. Lionel and Jean are the two main characters, and they are simply wonderful.

I have always been especially drawn to the character of Lionel, but as I watched tonight, it occured to me that he is quite possibly the outline of the perfect man. He is smart, very funny in a very sarcastic kinda way, he is absolutely devoted to Jean so much so that he ends up waist deep in whatever akward situation she's gotten herself into, he always has great advice for the many people that ask it, he knows when to talk and when to stay out of it, he is sensitive, and is manly and handsome in a non-showy, macho, or exaggerated way. Granted he is considerably older, but I think his personality traits are something that any man should emulate, and any woman should appreciate.

If I've learned one thing in my past relationships, it is that to settle is futile. I've done that, and can say without doubt that it is more miserable than being alone. Life is far too short to be spent with someone that has no chance of living up to many of the qualities listed above. Please don't misunderstand me and think I am demanding perfection and nothing less, that's impossible and not something I'd even wish for. But I do believe that there are Lionel's out there, men that aren't perfect, but do possess the basic but essential traits required in order to achieve a healthy and fullfilling relationship.

Perhaps this is an entry best left to a private journal, but since I'm lousy at keeping one of those, but love writting in this format, I decided to post it here anyway. Make of it what you wish. For me, it serves as a reminder of something I often forget and something I believe many other people forget as well. Perhaps the first step in finding happiness in life is to clearly identify what you want out of it, and I think a large part of that task is accomplished by reminding yourself of things that you don't want, so that you will recognize and avoid such mistakes in the future. When the details of my past begin to get foggy, as they inevitably do, I will turn to this entry as a lasting reminder. At the very least, maybe I will inspire someone to watch a great and very entertaining British show!

Mom, Jenny and I spent a terrific day shopping and lunching at the mall. Mom spent some of her birthday money, and even got her ears re-pierced. For some reason the holes closed up a couple of months ago. While browsing at the pagoda, I decided that I want to get the top part of my ear pierced. It's something I've thought about off and on for a long time. I've given up the tatoo dream, but I think I'm gonna let myself have the piercing. Not now though, I have to find out about CA first...they only allow one pair of modest earrings for women and I wouldn't be able to take out the ring for 6 weeks. It was great to spend a day with just us girls, window shopping at Haywood. Thank you Mom and J for a great day!

Je Travaille

I Work. I went to work today, and it felt great! It may seem unusual to you, but my aimless, lazy days that were once refreshing and carefree had become monotonous, boring and were giving me entirely too much time to think about and analyze my life. Such analysis lead to some of my more depressing recent entries. But today at work I didn't find myself worrying about anything. I didn't think about when my career job will open up, I didn't obsess about CA, and I wasn't concerned about making connections here, in SC. On the contrary, I thoroughly enjoyed my work..meeting people, chatting about random subjects ranging from gas prices to Gator pride. I did think about California, and I do very much want that to happen, but the sector of that desire that was fed by my wish to escape confusion and uncertainty melted away leaving something more pure. My desire to have an unforgettable and adventurous Summer in California with a friend, while I still have the freedom to do so. And as to the connection...I didn't have time to think about that, because I was too busy talking all day to a friend, Jamie. I worked with her some last year and we got along well, but since then she's joined my church, and now plays on my softball team. Before she seemed to be more of a co-worker, but today among our various conversations, and laughter, I realized she was indeed a friend.

I received more encouragement from Cali today..when I got home and checked my email, I had a message from the Camp. It's purpose was to make sure I was aware of some key issues about the job before setting up an interview. I was informed about the salary, days off, a dress code and a moral code. I had no problem with any of them, so I replied to the email. Next comes the interview.

Choses Aléatoires

Random Things. I thought I should write a few random updates on things that have transpired over the last couple of days, if for no other reason than to avoid a super long entry...

On California...I now have faxed my application packet and handed out all three reference forms. I faxed one of them in myself, and the other two were supposed to have gone out yesterday and today. Earlier today I got a phone call from one of my references that she'd been called by the hiring manager at the Summer Camp and asked to verify what she'd written. I was encouraged by this. Even though things are far from a done deal, the fact that they're checking my references seems to be a good thing. Maybe they will be able to fit me into their staff!

On Strawberries...Most of you know, I don't like them, but starting at 12:30PM tomorrow, I will be selling them anyway. The Orchard owner called today asking if I'd be able to help out with the stand starting tomorrow. Being in my cash-strapped, no job position, I was more than willing to accomodate. If the CA job comes through, then I can save up money to help with the trip out, and if it doesn't, then I'll have a job to work this Summer until something more substantial comes along. Strawberries anyone?

On Other Jobs...After our softball game tonight a teammate came up to me and excitedly stated that she didn't know I was a Biology major. I told her that indeed I had recently gotten a degree in Microbiology and she asked if I'd considered teaching. I informed her that at this point, I'm considering anything remotely related to my field that pays. She told me that she knows of 3 and maybe four Science teaching jobs at the Middle School she's working at. They are at a critical need for teachers and are therefore waiving the Teaching Certificate requirement. Even better is the fact that our preacher's wife is the "right-hand man" of the principal there and might be able to hook me up. So I need to talk to her next time I see her to find out more. The job would be in the Fall, so my Summer plans might still work out too.

On Softball...Our game on Tuesday was great. Actually, it didn't look so great, but we won 12-3. It was terribly windy, which made pitching a horrendous task. My mom is the team pitcher. I'm glad she had to do that and not me. The other team was completely incapable of keeping their score book which caused alot of drama when they refused to recognize a run that I made. It was crazy since I came in and was sitting in the dug out talking to other people, when the next batter on our team got out. Their book only reflects a score of 11-3, and they had the home book, so it's the one that counts. But me, my team, and now you, my dear readers, know the truth ;-) Our game tonight did not go as well. We were tied almost the entire game. They got one lucky hit in the last inning that put them up 5-2, the final score. I had two great hits...probably my best so far. On my second time at bat, I heard their coaches and some of the infield hollaring to the outfiled that I had smacked it good the first time and that they needed to back up. That is always an ego boost. Towards the end of the game, though, they substituted their pitcher and she did this weird walk up pitch thing that made her pitches really too fast for slow pitch and really threw off our batting. My last at bat I only hit a grounder to short stop who tagged my sister out. It was a fun game though and relatively devoid of drama. We don't have any games next week, so you'll get a break from the sports news!

On Bed...I guess that's about all the news that is the news for now, and I'd better get to bed....since I have to go to work tomorrow! (Even if it is in the afternoon)

Un Voyage?

A Trip? Maybe. On the advice, encouragement, and connection of my great friend, Rob, I have decided to apply to a Summer Camp position in California. I'm not actually too sure that it will work out, since it appears that they already have alot of their help for this summer decided, but I'm giving it a try anyway. I had my doubts at first whether or not it was the best idea, and was concerned that I might just be running away from the difficulty and uncertainty that is my life right now...and maybe I am, but this is just too great of a chance to pass up on. Besides, I basically had to decide today whether or not I should apply since the positions are only going to get more filled by my procrastination. The chance to road trip across the country with a great friend, see The Grand Canyon, spend two months in sunny, beautiful Southern California, seeing the west coast, the Red Wood Forests, spending time playing in the great outdoors, all the while being paid more than I'd get working in the Peach business all summer is simply too good to not even try for. So, I'm faxing out the application first thing tomorrow...I pray that if this is an opportunity that God wants me to take, it will work out. As a sermon I heard last Sunday helped me to realize, we can not stand on the dock, but must jump on a ship...maybe my ship is headed to California?

In other news...our softball game tonight went exactly as we were afraid it would. New Jerusalem slaughtered us at 22-0! Despite the terrible record thus posted about our softball team, we are actually a good team but we had to play the two toughest teams in the league at the beginning of the season. That fact coupled with the hit-or-miss attendance of many key players has gotten us off to a rocky start. We have another game tomorrow (Tuesday) night against a team we are very confident against. In spite of our horrendous loss, we did enjoy the fellowship of the New J team. They are always a great team to play because of their friendly, sportsman, Christian attitudes. It is teams like them that make Church League different from any other.

Désolé

Sorry. I'm sorry I have not updated my blog lately. The truth is that nothing really extraordinary has happened lately. I've had a string of ordinary events, and a few moments better than that, but nothing worth an entire blog. So now, as I sit here watching/listening to Sabrina (the new one with Harrison Ford) I will attempt to fill you, my devoted and somewhat disgruntled readers, in on the highlights of my recent activities.

Softball...the season is now in full swing...hahaha...We lost our first game miserably ( 15-0). The score is really sad since it really only reflects one terribly unlucky inning. We really beat ourselves through careless mistakes and inconsistent batting. Our second game, however, was the opposite. We won big (16-4). We worked well as a team, fielded great, and our batting was on. Our third game, tonight, did not go so well. The game was called somewhere in the middle due to the weather...torrential rain, deadly lightning, howling wind, and even hail. Not exactly ideal playing weather. Prior to the storm trouble was already brewing...the score was already 13-0 in their favor. I am actually pretty thankful that the weather put an end to the misery. Our next game is slated for Monday at 6:30 against New Jerusalem our practice partners. They generally are much better than we are, but there is always hope I suppose, and at any rate, we always have fun playing with them.

Garden...We planted our garden last week. It is very exciting, especially since I was allowed to be in charge of the lay out and design. Dad and I did the actual planting. It was really nice to work in a garden of my own after learning so much in the two gardening classes I took in my last year at UF. Hopefully the blend of my new knowledge, and my dad's experience will be just what is needed to create a successful and pleasing garden come harvest time! I'm sure you'll be hearing much more about the garden in the upcoming months.

Family...Over Easter weekend my Grandpa and Step-Grandma came up from Florida, and my Uncle Kyle, his girlfriend and his girlfriend's mom came down from Ohio. It was, as always, a wonderful visit. My only complaint was that it was too short. We ate good food (Dad even smoked a roast for Easter), we did alot of talking and catching up, we played some croquet, we did some shopping, looked at some property my Grandpa is interested in buying, and we watched Walk the Line. A busy, but great weekend. We got a preview of the week we are planning to spend in Florida for Christmas with the family, and we simply can't wait.

Job...Nothing much to report here, I'm afraid. I have recently finished re-writing my resume. I decided that it might help to re-vamp it in order to draw more attention to some aspects of my experience, and to nearly eliminate experiences that aren't going to do me any good in the Microbiology market. I think it now is much more focused and hope it will be more effective at garnishing interviews. I have once again become frustrated with the way things are going. I'm sure you are as tired of that subject as I am, but there it is. I've felt lately so stagnant and stalled that it's almost stifling at times. Sometimes I just get overwhelmed by the fact that I have no real job opportunity lined up, no significant other in my life, and honestly not even any insignificant others. My Step-Grandma asked me on the first day of their visit whether or not I had met any new people here at church or wherever, and the answer is a resounding no. It's a sound that often echos through my mind. I hate how pathetic it sounds, but the truth of the matter is, that other than my family, and softball, I have absolutely no life here, and it's really starting to get to me. I know I should get involved in something...something that would allow me to interact with people my age, but I don't even know where to begin, and these days hardly have the time or money to try. I'm sure this paragraph is coming off worse than the reality...in truth, I am not that depressed about things, but just wish things weren't so stagnant..that my life just didn't feel so stalled out. It makes me frustrated and listless. I'd go for a trip somewhere if I had the money...

To add insult to injury, things haven't been so smooth at home lately. I think my family has just gotten to the point that we all want our own lives and space, but are too dependant right now to do anything about it. I want to move on with my life, and move out on my own..buy a house...pay my on bills...in short, be independant. My parents want the same. They want, and after all these years, are entitled, to their own space and money and time. While we all love each other dearly, and get along better than most would...frustrations are building and I think we are all growing weary. If I do not get a job by the end of May, I will be working for Fisher's Orchard...a local peach grower, working at their roadside stand. The job can run through October, so at least I'll have some money coming in for a while. My dad the other day told me that if I didn't get another job by the time the peach one was over, that I will probably have to break down and go to work in fast food. Maybe I am being over-sensitive, but I resented the remark, and it's been gnawing at me ever since. The conversation bothered me on several levels...first, it doesn't inspire much hope and faith that I will get a career job before November. Secondly, the not so subtle hint made me feel like a free-loading bum; one of those people that lives at home, doing nothing but watching t.v., eating all the food, and annoying everyone in the house. Thirdly, dad suggested that my objection to working fast food was pride and that I'd have to eventually "face my demons" and work whatever I had to in order to make money. I resent that thought because pride is the least of my concerns. I feel that my dad should know that. I worked many weeks recently cleaning house for a member of my church. It is hard to feel proud as you scrub someone else's dirty toilet!

A job in fast food will not get me out of the house one second faster, and since I only have a couple minimal bills right now, won't even help out much financially. I have applied for any and every job that I've seen available that I was the slightest bit interested in, including Lowe's. I am, as all these penny-annie companies know, over qualified for these positions. None of them are going to hire me knowing that I will only quit as soon as a serious job comes along. Hopefully by November I will have such a serious job and the fast-food dilemma will be irrelevent anyway...for now it just hurts me a little.

I have really been missing my friends alot lately...especially my best friend. We got the chance to talk on the phone the other night for 3 1/2 hours! Although my left ear was sore for quite some time, it really did my soul a world of good. We've determined that after about 2 months...the length of a typical summer break...the distance seems worse. I'm not used to living this far away...and the thought that this is a permanent reality is a scary and sad thought. I need to call my French friends, as I have seriously neglected my friendships with them. I don't know why I have an aversion to calling people, but I really need to get over it.

I began this blog with an apology, and now I will close it with one. I kind of got carried away writting this post. I wasn't sure I had enough to really write about, but it turned out that once I got going, I couldn't stop. Thank you, my devoted and weary readers, for enduring my rambling...I'll try to write more regularly in the future.

Un Peu D'aide

A Little Help. I finally heard back from the Head Hunter today, or as he refers to himself, the professional recruiter. I was at the store when he called, but I returned his call as soon as I returned. He said he didn't have any Microbiology positions to fill right now, but that he would definitely keep me in mind and my resume in hand, if anything did come up. He said he has placed many Microbiologists in the past. Even though he was not able to give me any specific leads, he was able to give me some advice:

1) Don't feel discouraged by ETT not calling. Apparently most companies don't call interviewees back if they don't intend to hire them, it's too personal and they don't want to answer questions. It wasn't personal, it just didn't work.

2) He gave me several online job search resources that he feels are useful and recommended not only searching them, but posting my resume on them. I hadn't heard of some of them before, so that was very useful.

3) He gave me the names of a couple of local companies that he has placed Microbiologists at before.

4) He gave me some general advice regarding professional recruiters. He said it's likely that I will at some point be approached by people wanting to help place me, but he explained that I should never be required to pay for such a service. Recruiters that are above board should be paid by the employer, not by the potential employee.

5) He is a Gator fan...always a great sign, and at the very least it makes for interesting conversation. We shared a moment of pride over the Basketball Championship and expressed mutual hope that the upcoming Football season will do exactly as well. Go Gators!

6) Last, but certainly not least, he gave me some empathy and encouragement. It wasn't anything that I haven't already heard many times over from family and friends, but as these things tend to do, it meant a bit more since it was coming from a professional; or at least someone less biased. He said that he understands how tough this point in your life can be, but that I should not get discouraged and frustrated. He said he knows that searching for a job is a full-time job in and of itself. He said that I have a great background, and a strong degree, and that I will find a Microbiology job, I just have to stick with it until I can get my foot in the door. He also said I should not hesitate to call if I needed any more help or even just had some more questions on the job search.

It was very nice talking with him, and even though he did not have any job placements for me at this time, I am very glad he called.

In other news...our first official softball game is tomorrow...Tuesday, April 10th at 6:30...pray for us, I have a feeling we'll need it!

Nous Avons Perdu

We Lost. Last night, our Church League soft-ball team had their first game. The official games won't start until next week at the earliest, but we decided to scrimmage with the people that practice the hour before us, New Jerusalem. We have played them in the regular season before, but it was a couple of years ago. The time away certainly did not hurt their game. They skunked us just as they always had before. We didn't keep score since it was more or less just a practice, but they definitely won. Even the little girls on their team, and one little 7 year old or so boy that was filling in because they didn't have enough, got on base. It certainly didn't help us that most of our really good players didn't show up. Few of the people that were there were actually playing the position they usually play in order to cover important positions like 1st base and short-stop. I played at second and did get one great hit that went well into the outfield. Those of us that were there tried our best, but it's hard to win when half the normal team is gone. This also represents a problem when our actual games start up. We have now held three team practices and many of the "starter" players haven't even made an attempt to show up. The problem, then, is whether we should be more concerned with competition or sportsmanship. If we are trying to win a game, we shouldn't bench some of our best players, but then if we care about fairness, we can't bench hard working yet less talented players that have made every practice. Another dimension is added to the problem when you take into account that we are a church league and we all wish to represent our church and Christ as best we can.

Despite our horrific loss, we did have alot of fun. New Jerusalem is an extremely nice team, and we laughed and joked with them throughout the game. If you must lose a game, they are the best opponents you could wish for. The schedules for the season have not been finished yet and we may have an official game next Thursday, but if we don't, we are planning to scrimmage again. We'll have to see who shows up next week, and see if we do any better. At least we are getting plenty of practice with a team that is tougher than most of those we encounter in our regular season.

Quatre Choses

Four things. First, The Chronicles of Narnia:The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe came out on DVD today! I am very excited about that and can't wait to buy it. If I currently had a job, I would have bought it today, but since I don't, I'm trying to be a responsible adult and pay as much of my own bills as possible, and therefore can't spend the money on it right now. I definitely plan to purchase it as soon as possible. I suggest you do the same! I saw the movie twice in the theater and read the series. I think it's great and am very much looking forward to the release of Prince Caspian Christmas '07!

Secondly, I've moved a little further in the job search. Not only did I finally contact the Head Hunter I was supposed to have contacted back in August when I first moved here, and I finally posted my resume on Monster.com, but I applied for my first out of state job! Thus far I've been hesitant to do that, thinking a local job would pan out sooner or later, but since that is not falling in place as easily as I hoped, I decided to look a little further. I think the job is probably pretty competitive, but I figure the worst they can do is never contact me, and I've been there and done that, so what can I lose? The job is in Dahlgren, Virginia. It is about 8 hours from here, Greer, South Carolina and I'm afraid quite a bit further from my friends in Gainesville. I'm not too happy about the distance, but that's what planes are for right? It is a Microbiologist job at The Naval Surface Warfare Center in Dahlgren. It is 55 miles from Washington D.C. The work involves Research and Development on weapons and defense systems for the Department of the Navy, but is a civilian job. I think the job sounds fascinating, and it's fun to think about if nothing else. Keep for fingers crossed...who knows, this one might be it...

Thirdly, Congratulations to the Florida Gator Men's Basketball team for winning the NCAA Division 1 National Championship!!! It's always "Great to be a Florida Gator" but sometimes it is exceptional. My heart swelled with Gator pride as I watched Noah stand on the table and Gator Chomp along with the audience. As the signs around campus say, "The University of Florida is in Gainesville, but the Gator Nation is everywhere." Go Gators!

Fourthly, As many of you know, I own a Bassett Hound. His name is Socrates. He knows how to sit, stay, speak, come, lay down, and even whisper. He has never, however, been good at walking decently on a leash..preferring to drag me down the street. Despite all his tricks, he also goes crazy anytime new people or other dogs are around. Today, we made the first step toward correcting that. I have been watching alot of "The Dog Whisperer" lately and have gotten empowered by it. I learned that I can, with a choker chain, some confidence, and the famous "chhht" sound, can be the pack leader of my dog. As I attached the leash to Socrates this afternoon, I certainly had my doubts, but it worked! In a matter of minutes, my unruly hound was heeling as if he'd been to obedience school! It was amazing. We ended up spending a long time walking, and playing and chewing on sticks (I'd like to make sure you know that Socrates was chewing on sticks..I refrained) in the yard. A good time was had by all, and I look forward to more training sessions and being able to take my well-behaved bassett to parks and other public places without having to worry about him acting like an idiot. Cesar is a genius, chht!

***On the cold front...I'm feeling much better, without having resorted to a Fanta and Cough Syrup Cocktail. I'm still coughing some, and at times lose my voice, but on the whole, I'm definitely feeling better!***

Je Suis Malade

I Am Sick. I thought that you, my readers, however few you may be, deserved an explanation for my recent lack of posting. I have a cold, and just haven't felt like spending much time online lately. As a matter of fact, the only place I've been wanting to spend time is in bed. The past week in SC has been cold. The local meteorologists say it was the last of the cold weather we will see until the Fall..so of course I will get the very last Winter cold that is catching. Our preacher gave it to his granddaughter that my mom babysits. We spend alot of time together so naturally she gave it to me. At least she knows the fundamentals of sharing..haha. It's just a cold, and should be gone soon, I hope, and then I'll be back to more regular posting. Feel free to sleep easy now..I know you were worried ;-)

On the job front, the news just keeps getting more depressing. I got my first official rejection today, and it wasn't the one I was expecting. I'm not sure if that made me feel better or worse. I got a letter in the mail thanking me for applying for the job at Spartanburg Technical College, but after reviewing all applications, the position has been filled. I applied for that job a couple months ago and had almost forgotten about it. I wasn't really counting on it, so it wasn't that bad not getting it, but rejection always hurts.

I called ETT today, since they still haven't called me..a week after they said they would. I was under the impression that they were going to call to let me know of their decision, whether it was to hire me or not. The guy wasn't at his office so I had to leave a message on his voice mail. Big surprise, he didn't call me back. At this point I'm really getting used to the phone not ringing. I would still like the job, and think they are making a big mistake if they hired someone else, but I've come to accept that it's probably not going to work out. At this point I just want to know for sure so I can move on with my life.

Between the comfort that God has bestowed on me lately, and the prayers and encouragement of family and friends, and maybe some of the cold's distractions, and several days of Day-Quil, and Ny-Quil cocktails, I actually am not very depressed. Of course I am somewhat disappointed, who wouldn't be? But I'm trying to stay focused and trust that it'll all come together eventually, and then I can look back on this confusing, uncertain, scary, and troublesome time and laugh at my silly immaturity. Till then...

Nuit

Night. I just finished reading a book. It is titled, Night and was written by Elie Wiesel, a holocaust survivor. This particular edition is translated by Elie's wife, Marion Weisel. The book has been inducted into Oprah's Book Club, if that has any weight with you. Don't let Oprah's sponsorship be a turn off though because this book can stand on its own merit. Elie Wiesel was awarded a Nobel Peace Prize in 1986. Besides providing an insightful and very important testimony of his experiences, and a journey through the loss of his faith, Weisel is a writing genius. He is able to say, in 115 pages, what it would take volumes for most other people to say. I was often struck by the way in which he conveyed major concepts, and emotions with only a few words. He, himself, in the introduction to this new translation, writes about the meaning of words when discussing the holocaust. He talks about the problem that is encountered when you try to write a memoir about such a devastating event, and such a personal trajedy. The words that we use to describe our everday, hum-drum events are simply not sufficient when discussing something so much bigger and darker. It was an amazing book that opened my eyes, not only to the horrors endured throughout Europe, but also taught me so much about language and writing. I think the book should be required reading, and I encourage you to read it too.

I spent most of today on the verge of tears, watching the phone, and working on an ulcer. I hate that this job possibility has done exactly what I tried so hard for it not to do...get me all stressed out. I got my hopes up and took on too much responsibility and ownership instead of turning it over to God and his will for my life. I planned to do that, and I thought I did...but it became clear today, when for a couple of hours I felt that I actually was going to be physically sick, that I had not turned a thing over to God's control. I don't know if ETT is going to call tomorrow or not. I really hope and pray that they do...but I'm going to make every effort I can to turn it over to God. If it doesn't work out, than he simply must have other plans in mind for me...better plans. As mom reminded me today...if his eye is on the sparrow, then surely his eye is on me. If he knows me well enough to have numbered every hair on my head, then he also knows what I need and want in life, and will provide for me. Now I just pray that I remember that throughout tomorrow...

We had softball practice tonight. It really helped me to get my mind off of things. I don't know if it was the cold, or the endorphins, or the laughter I shared with many team members including my friend Jamie, or if it was the ability to put all the frustration and anger into the swing of the bat, resulting in a fly-ball to the outfield, but it felt good. My head stopped hurting, and my stomach stopped flipping. I am looking forward to this softball season.

J'attend.

I wait. Wednesday, the middle of the week, has now come and gone...and ETT didn't call. That doesn't mean they won't call tomorrow, or even if they do call, it doesn't mean I'll hear what I want to hear...but still, I wanted to hear from them today...so that I would know, one way or the other. I'll just keep waiting..tomorrow's another business day...

I did, however, get a job offer today...just not one of the ones I really wanted. Mrs. Fisher, the owner of Fisher Orchards...a local peach grower called to see if I've found employment since the growing season ended in November. I worked for her when I first moved here after graduation. I told her I was waiting to hear about the ETT job and she said that she hoped her call would bring me luck, and that if I didn't get a job by the beginning of this peach season, probably at the end of May, that she had a job for me. It actually was a good job, and while only paying $6.50 an hour, the hours were such that I'd make enough to cover my bills and then some while living at home. I hope ETT offers me the job.

The Birdcage is on TV. I think it's hillarious...I'm going to go watch it, and try to forget about ETT until I wake up tomorrow...maybe the phone will wake me up...I'll just have to clear my throat good so I won't sound like Darth Vadar...those of you that have called me early in the morning know what I'm talking about....

La Musique

The Music. Today was an interesting, and somewhat busy Sunday. This morning I had to be the Discussion Director in Sunday School...a task I find particularly daunting since I am naturally predispositioned to be happy sitting back, listening, and occationally commenting, rather than running the show. My class is currently working through John 15. It is the chapter in which Jesus tells the parable of the vine. It has been an amazing study, and has taught me so much more about my relationship with Christ, the true vine, and the Father, the gardener. We are also memorizing scripture which I plan to post sometime soon. To add to my nervousness, I am by far the youngest member of our Ladies Bible Study. The lesson, however, went very well. I couldn't have been any happier with it. We had great discussion on the questions I posed, developed a deeper understanding of the verses covered, and laughed alot over the fact that almost everyone in the class failed the "How Well Can You Follow Directions Test" I gave them. I'm sure you've taken the test before...it's one of those tests that makes you read all the test questions before writing down silly answers all over the test, since one of the questions near the end tells you to skip all questions except for one of them. The class was a success, and I give God the credit for that.

After church we had lunch at The Junction, a nearby down-home cookin' place that is one of our favorites. When we got home, we watched a movie that we'd rented...Remains of the Day. It stars Anthony Hopkins and Emma Thompson. Maybe you've seen it. I hadn't until today. The movie was very interesting, and is a film that has continued to run in my mind long after the last credit scrolled by. I won't go through the entire plot, since you may want to watch it, but some aspects of the film really affected me and I would like to discuss them. If you really don't want anything spoiled, I suggest you don't read this next part. Throughout the film, the idea of love hangs in the air between two characters, but is never spoken of. Different circumstances, roles, and emotional states always prevent or severely deter it. Furthermore, at the end, the missed opportunities, and present possibilities are not even discussed. The characters do not even allow themselves the luxury of expressing regret. The viewer is brought through the whole thing, and is able to see the love beginning and are just as able to see it fail before anything is done about it, being trampled under the heavy weight of repression placed on the title characters. It made me think of my own life, and failed attempts at love. It made me think about missed opportunities and things that might have happened in different circumstances. I wonder what the proper response is? In the movie, the characters simply did nothing, going their separate ways, knowing that they made choices and right or wrong they are stuck with them. As a viewer I wanted very much to fix their communication problems and make it work. I envision my own script in which the music swells, the characters run towards each other with open arms, and live almost happily ever after. But that wouldn't be very realistic would it? In life, there is no Emmy-Nominated score to guide your choices. All the problems and trials don't just disappear because love appears. In fact, it seems that they just compound along with the love. So in the face of that how should we express ourselves? Or should we at all? I suppose that if the movie went on further, the characters would go on as they did before, living perfectly decent lives, all the while repressing the regret. After all, what would have really changed if they'd expressed it? Their differences and obligations would still be there. Love can be so complicated. I wish I could fix things in my life as easily as I can fix things on screen. Thank you for bearing with my long-winded ramblings!

Just a brief note on the evening, since I went on so long about the film. Tonight at church we had a concert. Common Destiny performed at our church. They were amazing and their songs and testamonies really touched me. They reminded me of a younger, less experienced Caedmon's Call. For those of you not familiar with CC I strongly encourage you to check them out, you won't regret it. We bought one of Common Destiny's CDs. I've included them as a link, go check them out! They have a piano player in their band that reminded me very much of my best friend. It made me miss him very much. I longed to sit in his apartment in the chair next to the piano and listen to him play...