Désolé

Sorry. I'm sorry I have not updated my blog lately. The truth is that nothing really extraordinary has happened lately. I've had a string of ordinary events, and a few moments better than that, but nothing worth an entire blog. So now, as I sit here watching/listening to Sabrina (the new one with Harrison Ford) I will attempt to fill you, my devoted and somewhat disgruntled readers, in on the highlights of my recent activities.

Softball...the season is now in full swing...hahaha...We lost our first game miserably ( 15-0). The score is really sad since it really only reflects one terribly unlucky inning. We really beat ourselves through careless mistakes and inconsistent batting. Our second game, however, was the opposite. We won big (16-4). We worked well as a team, fielded great, and our batting was on. Our third game, tonight, did not go so well. The game was called somewhere in the middle due to the weather...torrential rain, deadly lightning, howling wind, and even hail. Not exactly ideal playing weather. Prior to the storm trouble was already brewing...the score was already 13-0 in their favor. I am actually pretty thankful that the weather put an end to the misery. Our next game is slated for Monday at 6:30 against New Jerusalem our practice partners. They generally are much better than we are, but there is always hope I suppose, and at any rate, we always have fun playing with them.

Garden...We planted our garden last week. It is very exciting, especially since I was allowed to be in charge of the lay out and design. Dad and I did the actual planting. It was really nice to work in a garden of my own after learning so much in the two gardening classes I took in my last year at UF. Hopefully the blend of my new knowledge, and my dad's experience will be just what is needed to create a successful and pleasing garden come harvest time! I'm sure you'll be hearing much more about the garden in the upcoming months.

Family...Over Easter weekend my Grandpa and Step-Grandma came up from Florida, and my Uncle Kyle, his girlfriend and his girlfriend's mom came down from Ohio. It was, as always, a wonderful visit. My only complaint was that it was too short. We ate good food (Dad even smoked a roast for Easter), we did alot of talking and catching up, we played some croquet, we did some shopping, looked at some property my Grandpa is interested in buying, and we watched Walk the Line. A busy, but great weekend. We got a preview of the week we are planning to spend in Florida for Christmas with the family, and we simply can't wait.

Job...Nothing much to report here, I'm afraid. I have recently finished re-writing my resume. I decided that it might help to re-vamp it in order to draw more attention to some aspects of my experience, and to nearly eliminate experiences that aren't going to do me any good in the Microbiology market. I think it now is much more focused and hope it will be more effective at garnishing interviews. I have once again become frustrated with the way things are going. I'm sure you are as tired of that subject as I am, but there it is. I've felt lately so stagnant and stalled that it's almost stifling at times. Sometimes I just get overwhelmed by the fact that I have no real job opportunity lined up, no significant other in my life, and honestly not even any insignificant others. My Step-Grandma asked me on the first day of their visit whether or not I had met any new people here at church or wherever, and the answer is a resounding no. It's a sound that often echos through my mind. I hate how pathetic it sounds, but the truth of the matter is, that other than my family, and softball, I have absolutely no life here, and it's really starting to get to me. I know I should get involved in something...something that would allow me to interact with people my age, but I don't even know where to begin, and these days hardly have the time or money to try. I'm sure this paragraph is coming off worse than the reality...in truth, I am not that depressed about things, but just wish things weren't so stagnant..that my life just didn't feel so stalled out. It makes me frustrated and listless. I'd go for a trip somewhere if I had the money...

To add insult to injury, things haven't been so smooth at home lately. I think my family has just gotten to the point that we all want our own lives and space, but are too dependant right now to do anything about it. I want to move on with my life, and move out on my own..buy a house...pay my on bills...in short, be independant. My parents want the same. They want, and after all these years, are entitled, to their own space and money and time. While we all love each other dearly, and get along better than most would...frustrations are building and I think we are all growing weary. If I do not get a job by the end of May, I will be working for Fisher's Orchard...a local peach grower, working at their roadside stand. The job can run through October, so at least I'll have some money coming in for a while. My dad the other day told me that if I didn't get another job by the time the peach one was over, that I will probably have to break down and go to work in fast food. Maybe I am being over-sensitive, but I resented the remark, and it's been gnawing at me ever since. The conversation bothered me on several levels...first, it doesn't inspire much hope and faith that I will get a career job before November. Secondly, the not so subtle hint made me feel like a free-loading bum; one of those people that lives at home, doing nothing but watching t.v., eating all the food, and annoying everyone in the house. Thirdly, dad suggested that my objection to working fast food was pride and that I'd have to eventually "face my demons" and work whatever I had to in order to make money. I resent that thought because pride is the least of my concerns. I feel that my dad should know that. I worked many weeks recently cleaning house for a member of my church. It is hard to feel proud as you scrub someone else's dirty toilet!

A job in fast food will not get me out of the house one second faster, and since I only have a couple minimal bills right now, won't even help out much financially. I have applied for any and every job that I've seen available that I was the slightest bit interested in, including Lowe's. I am, as all these penny-annie companies know, over qualified for these positions. None of them are going to hire me knowing that I will only quit as soon as a serious job comes along. Hopefully by November I will have such a serious job and the fast-food dilemma will be irrelevent anyway...for now it just hurts me a little.

I have really been missing my friends alot lately...especially my best friend. We got the chance to talk on the phone the other night for 3 1/2 hours! Although my left ear was sore for quite some time, it really did my soul a world of good. We've determined that after about 2 months...the length of a typical summer break...the distance seems worse. I'm not used to living this far away...and the thought that this is a permanent reality is a scary and sad thought. I need to call my French friends, as I have seriously neglected my friendships with them. I don't know why I have an aversion to calling people, but I really need to get over it.

I began this blog with an apology, and now I will close it with one. I kind of got carried away writting this post. I wasn't sure I had enough to really write about, but it turned out that once I got going, I couldn't stop. Thank you, my devoted and weary readers, for enduring my rambling...I'll try to write more regularly in the future.