Nuit

Night. I just finished reading a book. It is titled, Night and was written by Elie Wiesel, a holocaust survivor. This particular edition is translated by Elie's wife, Marion Weisel. The book has been inducted into Oprah's Book Club, if that has any weight with you. Don't let Oprah's sponsorship be a turn off though because this book can stand on its own merit. Elie Wiesel was awarded a Nobel Peace Prize in 1986. Besides providing an insightful and very important testimony of his experiences, and a journey through the loss of his faith, Weisel is a writing genius. He is able to say, in 115 pages, what it would take volumes for most other people to say. I was often struck by the way in which he conveyed major concepts, and emotions with only a few words. He, himself, in the introduction to this new translation, writes about the meaning of words when discussing the holocaust. He talks about the problem that is encountered when you try to write a memoir about such a devastating event, and such a personal trajedy. The words that we use to describe our everday, hum-drum events are simply not sufficient when discussing something so much bigger and darker. It was an amazing book that opened my eyes, not only to the horrors endured throughout Europe, but also taught me so much about language and writing. I think the book should be required reading, and I encourage you to read it too.

I spent most of today on the verge of tears, watching the phone, and working on an ulcer. I hate that this job possibility has done exactly what I tried so hard for it not to do...get me all stressed out. I got my hopes up and took on too much responsibility and ownership instead of turning it over to God and his will for my life. I planned to do that, and I thought I did...but it became clear today, when for a couple of hours I felt that I actually was going to be physically sick, that I had not turned a thing over to God's control. I don't know if ETT is going to call tomorrow or not. I really hope and pray that they do...but I'm going to make every effort I can to turn it over to God. If it doesn't work out, than he simply must have other plans in mind for me...better plans. As mom reminded me today...if his eye is on the sparrow, then surely his eye is on me. If he knows me well enough to have numbered every hair on my head, then he also knows what I need and want in life, and will provide for me. Now I just pray that I remember that throughout tomorrow...

We had softball practice tonight. It really helped me to get my mind off of things. I don't know if it was the cold, or the endorphins, or the laughter I shared with many team members including my friend Jamie, or if it was the ability to put all the frustration and anger into the swing of the bat, resulting in a fly-ball to the outfield, but it felt good. My head stopped hurting, and my stomach stopped flipping. I am looking forward to this softball season.